Ben, our pavement special dog, is a big baby and a coward to boot. When he was a puppy he would cry and scream in the night because he was teething. I had to get the kids teething gel and rub it on his gums in the middle of the night! If you knock into him by mistake, he screams. If the cat scratches him, he screams. If HE walks into a piece of furniture, he screams.
So Ben started screaming periodically and for no apparent reason. I thought that maybe he had injured a leg whilst lumbering around the garden and that it would pass. It did not pass. He woke up in the night and I let both dogs out to do their business. They came back in and Ben just stood in the bedroom and started to scream! I had to get him into the other room (so he didn’t wake the whole house) and calm him down as he was getting hysterical! That was it, the next day I took him to the vet.
This started with me chasing him around the garden, lead in hand, saying “Come on boy!” Eventually I tricked him and got the lead on him. Then I dragged him to the car and he would not budge. I had to pick him up and put him in the car. Finally, we can go! I start off down the driveway and he puts his head right next to mine. I know he is scared and as I am driving I stroke his face and tell him it is going to be alright. I get out the driveway and I realise I am wet. Ben is panting and has deposited half a litre of drool down my top and jersey. Eeeew! Whatever! I think to myself and keep driving. About half way to the vet he calms down a little and turns around. Now his bum in right by my face! Then he starts to reverse! Now I start to laugh – I am full of drool and he is reversing his bum into my face whilst I am still trying to drive the car. I can’t change gear and I can barley steer. I start to cry with laugher and my futile efforts to push his bum out of my face just make me laugh and cry ever more. Finally we pull into the vet’s and we get out of the car. I am now covered in his fur and drool and I am crying with laughter.
We wait a while and then go into the vet’s consulting room. She checks him all over. She can’t seem to find anything. She starts checking his back and he stops panting. “Ahah!” She says. “It’s his back!” She feels it again and again he stops panting. She is trying to find out where exactly it is hurting so has a third go. Then out of nowhere and like lightning he turns round, jaws open and snaps at her. She has ninja reflexes and in a slow motion, matrix-like action she jumps back. So she gives him a jab in the neck and gives me some pain killers for him for the next few days and we head off. I open the door to the car and now he allows me to put him in a little easier. I go to my side and he has his front paws on my chair. I am in a hurry now. It is dark and we are the last people there and the vets and staff want to go home. I push him more onto his side – not very successfully – and get in. I start the car and he sits down on the centre console between the front seats. Off we go! Not even 2 minutes down the road, with a 37kg dog sitting between the front seat, Ben loses his balance and falls over backwards into the back seat. That’s me done. I start laughing hysterically again. I glance over and I cannot see him! He is behind the passenger seat on the floor. I look again and he has managed to put his front paws on the seat and his back legs are on the floor. He stayed like this the whole way home! Did I mention he panted all the way home too – on the seat?
The next day as I got into my car, it resembled a fur factory. Needless to say I very quickly invested in a lint roller!