Wardrobe Malfunction vs. Fashion Disaster


I work for a hotel management company. Although it is not an actual hotel, we are expected to be dressed smart and be presentable.

So the other morning I donned a long sleeve stripy blue top. I like it because every other strip is see-through and the solid stripes have silver glitter in them. I also wore my long denim skirt and a pair of pumps. (Did I mention it is winter in South Africa and its damn cold?)

Anyway so I am prancing around work, as you do, and my friend says to me ‘do you know you have a hole in that shirt?’ ‘No?’ I exclaim, ‘Where?’ She sticks her finger through it and it is where the sleeve meets the back of the shirt. ‘Is it bad?’ I ask. ‘Um, yup!’ she says through a grin.

Working in an office of 20 women, I have brought a little sewing kit in case of emergencies and left it in my drawer. I go and fetch it and do a mini strip show in the ladies loo and sew it up quickly before anyone else can notice it. Crisis averted!

Now to my lovely, though rather old, denim skirt. It has a dodgy zip. So I play down how bad it is in the morning and decide to wear it anyhow. So for the entire day I have been feeling off my own bum, just to check that the zip and gravity haven’t been playing a trick on me and are showing off my personals.

Nearing the end of the day I start to get a bit fed up with having to CONSTANTLY pull up the zip. So I think to myself, if I yank it real hard, perhaps the fear of God will creep into it and the damn thing will stay up a little longer. So I yank it and… I suddenly have the zip, in pieces, in my hand!

‘Oh shit!’ I exclaim rather loudly. My colleague asks what is wrong and I tell him. Pearls of laughter erupt from him. Now what, I think! So my brain starts racing and I think of what my Mum would do and all I see is a sewing machine which I don’t have. Then I think of my sister and she would staple everything. I have a stapler!

So I go into accounts as one of my friends sits there and I tell her my story of woe and ask if she will please staple my skirt up. She is such a sweetheart and drops what she is doing and picks up the stapler.

Now I realise that she is going to have to pull my skirt away from my body and what she will see I do not want her to see!
So I spin the skirt around in the hope that I can control her viewing pleasure, just a little bit.
So she staples me up and she puts a fold back clip at the top for support. The gent in accounts is pretending to work but I can see the giant grin on his face. I don’t think he would be human if he weren’t amused…

So that was my week, but wait, there’s more!

The weekend rolls around and I am delighted because I am off to the hairdresser. My hair has outgrown the cut it received and I feel like a shaggy dog!

Now this is only the second time I am going to this hairdresser. My last hairdresser I had been cutting my hair since I was a girl and she had decided to pursue a different line of work. So I found my current lady.
I had taken photos of my hair and shown them to her previously and I did so again this time to refresh her memory. She is lovely and we do not stop chatting the whole time she is busy.

Now the thing I loved about the way she cut my hair the last time was how short the back was! So she is cutting away and I am looking in the mirror and I start thinking, ‘she is not cutting it as short as last time.’ So I ask her to cut it shorter, and bless her she does!

So now I look like a boy and I have no one to blame but myself!

Here are the before and after example pics:

Before:
Hair from back
After:
Brienne

Lessons learnt:
I am going to remember clothes that irritate me and A) Do something about it like replace a zip or B) chuck them out.

AND I am never going to second guess my hairdresser again!

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